The Merriam-Webster dictionary says the meaning of this word is
a:Â being without company:Â LONE
too many lonely nights at home
b:Â cut off from others:Â SOLITARY
the train stopped frequently at lonely little stations—Robert Hichens
2:Â not frequented by human beings:Â DESOLATE
a lonely spot in the woods
3:Â sad from being alone:Â LONESOME
He was feeling lonely without his wife and children.
4:Â producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation
Over the past couple of days, since my realization that going alcohol-free can be lonely, I have thought a lot about this word. I never thought that giving up alcohol would make me feel lonely, but it has. It could be that in the past, to avoid feeling lonely, I would drink. That is a genuine possibility. Alcohol tends to numb your feelings, and while I know that I have used it to numb feelings of frustration, anger, hurt, and disappointment (and I’m sure many more). Lonely was never something that I thought I used alcohol for, but alas, this weekend, I realized that I probably did.
I have never dealt with emotions (or at least what I consider to be the harder emotions) very well. Anger, hurt, disappointment, sadness, etc. This weekend, I had an overwhelming sense of loneliness. The good thing is that I just sat in my emotions and felt all of them. Now, I’m certainly not saying that I enjoyed it; quite the contrary, I hated every moment. It certainly makes it worse knowing that the life changes that I am going through (not talking about menopause, although that’s there, too 😂) are self-imposed. I don’t have to be alcohol-free, but it is something I am choosing, so in essence, I am putting myself in this position of being lonely.
I am only 114 days in, and I hope it gets easier or better because, honestly, I did not like the overwhelming sense of loneliness that I felt.