The Merriam-Webster dictionary says the meaning of this word is
a: being without company: LONE
too many lonely nights at home
b: cut off from others: SOLITARY
the train stopped frequently at lonely little stations—Robert Hichens
2: not frequented by human beings: DESOLATE
a lonely spot in the woods
3: sad from being alone: LONESOME
He was feeling lonely without his wife and children.
4: producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation
Over the past couple of days, since my realization that going alcohol-free can be lonely, I have thought a lot about this word. I never thought that giving up alcohol would make me feel lonely, but it has. It could be that in the past, to avoid feeling lonely, I would drink. That is a genuine possibility. Alcohol tends to numb your feelings, and while I know that I have used it to numb feelings of frustration, anger, hurt, and disappointment (and I’m sure many more). Lonely was never something that I thought I used alcohol for, but alas, this weekend, I realized that I probably did.
I have never dealt with emotions (or at least what I consider to be the harder emotions) very well. Anger, hurt, disappointment, sadness, etc. This weekend, I had an overwhelming sense of loneliness. The good thing is that I just sat in my emotions and felt all of them. Now, I’m certainly not saying that I enjoyed it; quite the contrary, I hated every moment. It certainly makes it worse knowing that the life changes that I am going through (not talking about menopause, although that’s there, too 😂) are self-imposed. I don’t have to be alcohol-free, but it is something I am choosing, so in essence, I am putting myself in this position of being lonely.
I am only 114 days in, and I hope it gets easier or better because, honestly, I did not like the overwhelming sense of loneliness that I felt.
Lisa H Calle's Blog 
Time to start a NEW QUILT!!! Kathie
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thats why I ended up having to make new friends. Alcohol and all the things that go with consuming it, was a bigger part of my life than I had realized (and anticipation of drinking all week occupied my psyche). I would literally drink only on Fridays, recover Saturday and Sunday and by Monday be anticipating Friday. I think sometimes that I lived for it. I don’t even think about it now. You’ll get there. As you begin to fill your life with other activities, but you have to actively go after those other things if you want them. I’ve just become comfortable not needing to go blow off steam (what I called drinking). I manage stress and feelings so much better now.
Lisa, we are all here for you, with y ou, take it slowly, i’m SURE it will get better with time and as y ou find more and different, more from the inside out, not from the drink in connections, not just on the net, but also with real live people. in the mean time, turn to us if no one else, don’t give up, upwards and onwards. you are FANTASTIC. weldcome to the lilfe which kn ows real joy without denying the pain without which no joy is real.
shoshana
Congratulations on being alcohol free for 114 days. You are an inspiration to so many others and you are not alone – ever. If you feel alone, just reach out. I’d be delighted to listen, to chat, to support & encourage anytime via email, text, phone call, or where logistics works in person. And, I’m sure many others would too. There are more ways to socialize than around alcohol. And, on a positive note you are an interesting, kind, talented person who is full of life, kindness and joy!
thank you!
It is hard to be lonely! I understand how that feels and it is a battle to not let yourself fall into the depression that goes along with that feeling.
I have a bit of a hearing disability and sometimes even in crowds I feel lonely as hearing conversations is difficult and if I “guess” what someone has said and comment incorrectly I feel foolish. Therefore often I feel lonely in that no one truly understands how difficult it is not hear what people are saying.
I also felt lonely when my husband and I divorced. It was hard not having someone to talk to or even just to sit in the same room watching TV.
I won’t say it gets better being alone but it does become easier to cope when you actively seek out things to do such as go to a pet shelter to walk the dogs or pet the cats, join a sport or book club, go for a walk in the park, visit a seniors home to volunteer to read or play games with some of the residents (most of them love this as they do not have families that come to spend time with them), etc.
Always remember there are people out there that often you only have to reach out to. Continue your journey of not using alcohol and know that it becomes a way of life that is second nature after a while. Maybe this journey is the way for you to expand your circle into different directions.
Cindy
Lisa,
I hurt for you and will be praying the Lord will comfort you.
Edna
Sent from my iPhone
You have already overcome a lot and you can do this. You are a strong woman and this is well within your reach. I’m fighting a similar battle with weight and I hate it but I know I can do it. You are far ahead of me in your day count and your success to date encourages me to move forward one day at a time….even one hour at a time.
You are such a beautiful person…so talented and admired, and I am proud to have you as a friend.
Pat Richie, Florence, MT
thank you!
Lonely doesn’t even necessarily mean that you are physically alone – you can feel that loneliness surrounded by people. And just the change to not drinking, all by itself, changes your body, so there’s also that to deal with.
It’s all just hard. This adulting is for the birds!
I hope you find the process of working your magic with fabric and thread also sooths your soul and brings you joy.
I agree…. Adulting is hard.
Thank you for your insight. Opening up. I see exactly what you mean in the sense of filling up time as well as numbing feelings. I was just thinking about sponsoring a sewing room at the local library. Even if I only rounded up four or five machines and made up a few kits of pins, machine needles, snips. Since I am always misplacing my seam ripper I will be sure to buy a couple of dozen of those.
Sounds like a great idea!
Hang in there! You’ve got this. I advise you to pray, because you don’t have to do this alone.
Lisa,
I am sending you a HUG!
When I need a boost to feel strong it helps me to meditate on Ephesians 6:10-20.
it gets better. There are many factors. One of the things that I noticed was that the conversations that I thought were meaningful when I was drinking, probably were not. And that kind of made me feel stupid. Overtime I’ve become much more comfortable with it. I love feeling really good every morning. I love sleeping well at night. And the loneliness, it gets better too. It may help to create a new habit of reaching out to friends, perhaps a certain time of day that you give a friend a call, doesn’t have to be the same friend every time. Hang in there, you’ve got this.
Thank you Pati! I know it is all good. Just have to find a new normal.
church is a good place make new friendships and it’s very good for the soul
First, congratulations for realizing that alcohol was becoming a too frequent companion in your life. It’s a one day at a time decision for sure. I’m sure now that you realize it was a crutch for a lot of other issues in your life. You’re being very open about some difficulties you’re more aware of now, so I’ll chime in with some ideas for you to consider.
A lot of people will join a group of people with similar issues in their past, or consider counseling to help sort out the source of why they’ve needed a crutch to face certain issues. Seeking help is one of the bravest things we can do because it means we’re facing our personal demons. By doing that though, one comes to understand that the demons are not really that scary, and we take back our control of our life.
You’re an amazing woman and deserve to live your best life. All of us who have followed your professional life, and see the amazing talent that you’ve shared, don’t really know your previous personal trials and tribulations, but would hold out a hand to you at any time. You’re in a life-changing period of your life right now, and any of us would also offer you any help in any way we could, so, personally, if there is anything I can offer that would be helpful, just let me know! Not every day is going to be an easy one, but the bad days will become fewer and further apart, and the good days will soon be the majority of your days. Don’t get discouraged that the process is not quick…it didn’t get to this point overnight. Try to just take your journey one day at a time, with determination. You are stronger than you know. Good luck! ❤️
Thank you Carol!!
Stay strong. You have made the right choice!
I have been reading your comments about going alchohol free. Yay 114 days!! I have found that in my quilting quest so to speak that it is in itself a very lonely endeavor. I’m retired and married. Since retirement I have found that I feel Lonely in my room. It’s by choice because I love to sew. Now, I can go out and see what the hub is doing, take a break and chit chat with him Etc. I’m an introvert which probably doesn’t help. I’m not sad being lonely, I can turn on some music to liven things up but, I’m easily distracted and swaying to a song while cutting fabric may not be conducive to your health. So, a few years ago I found this quilt shop in my town and ventured in . There sat a bunch of ladies mostly my age (I’m 70) sitting around this table talking,laughing and sewing. I loved seeing this. I stepped outside of my comfort zone and asked the owner would it be possibe for me to come in and join this group. The answer was YES!! Long story short, I have made some wonderful friends. Go find a group of wonderful people and spend a couple of hours with them at least once a week (because that 3-4 hours I spend with these ladies lasts me until the next week. They make me happy) Hopefully this might help your loneliness. Congratulations on your journey. Betty
HI Betty,
That is a fantastic idea!!
Lisa
Wow, there are not many people who stare truth straight in the face by choice. I have never met you, but I give you a hug from Michigan.
I, myself, have struggled with unpleasant truths as I wrangle with depression, cancer and obesity. I have used food much as you have used alcohol. Trying to replace old thinking with new, healthier thought patterns is hard. But worth it for the future.
Blessings to you in this struggle. Pat
Thank you Pat! Good luck on your journey as well.
Congrats on challenging yourself by taking charge of your life. Be kind to yourself. Change is hard. You have made it 144 days and that is something to be celebrated with joy and happiness.
When I find myself ‘alone’ I pick up a challenging project, something that I love to do and I get lost in it.
Maybe a quilting project or piecing work that you have been putting off?
You are an Amazing quilter and teacher. Give yourself credit for that. Be alone in the thought that you have helped sew many quilters become better quilters.
You and do this because you are Worth it!
Bonnie Smith
your life changes when your habits change
100%
First of all thank you for sharing. It provides healing for many. I have trouble finding the words to express my thoughts but when others verbalize them, it gives me a way to express my feelings as well. It’s like the words don’t exist until I hear others tell something I can relate to. Good for you to realize and take action that you don’t need alcohol at every turn. Thanks again for sharing and helping others grow as well.
Marti
thank you Marti!!